Dear Daddy
November 28th 2008 11:58
After 3 years apart you'd think that every day wouldn't be quite this much pain.
Dear Daddy,
It has been three years to the day since you died; it feels like so long ago now. The time has flown in one way, but in another so much has changed. I miss you now as much as I ever did, and I don't think this hurt will ever go away. I remember where I was three years ago today, by your side, watching as you left me. I'm fifteen now and I've never really left your side in that hospital bed; it hurts so much, so much just to know that you're gone. I'm not where you wanted me to be right now, I'm not where I wanted me to be either. I'm still struggling.
I'm struggling with everything that happened then and everything that's happened since. I think life is really just the school of hard knocks. They always like to tell us that it can look up, but I'm beginning to wonder if it really can. One thing after another keeps coming down on my head just like it was three years ago. People tell me to make my own happiness but I'm floundering still, drowning in my own little ocean; I just don't know how.
A lot has changed since then, I suppose; my hair is black now, but I know that really doesn't surprise anyone. That's just the superficial part-I think you know the reality of it. The things I went through, over the last year, the things I went through the year before that. You've seen how things have just slipped with school. I just can't take it Daddy, and I'm sorry. I know you wanted me to do better, to be so much more-but I just can't. I try so hard and I always land even harder back where I started, which is a very unpleasant place to be. You know what it was like.
The image of you on your deathbed still hurts me, and I still do things in your memory; I'm
writing this letter, after all. I love you, Daddy. I love you and I could never be mad at you for leaving me, I can only miss you. I can't be mad at you and I think you know that; you know how much I love you. And you knew it then. I wouldn't have left your side that day, I really wouldn't have, but I guess three hours is long enough to mourn by the side of a dead man. I know you're out there though, somewhere, watching over me; you told me so in your dreams.
I hope wherever you are now is a better place than this; things keep going down further and further, and the economy is dying. Maybe you missed the worst of it, maybe you were lucky to get out when you did. You can still watch me go through my life, I know you can; I know you already are. I don't doubt you, Daddy, I don't doubt your strength to watch over me.
I've come a long way with my writing as much as I try so hard in the outside world and I keep falling short. I really am trying; this morning I hit three hundred thousand words for Nanowrimo. I wonder if you remember that? I wanted to hit the three hundred in honour of you; I hope you're as proud of me as I think you are right now. I wish you could tell me, but while I can talk to you through these letters and trust that you will see them, it doesn't work in reverse.
I've been working really hard on it and I'll keep working at it. You know and I know that I'm stubborn enough to reach my dreams. I'm reaching for them, Daddy, and I can only hope and pray that I get them-that I get what I need. I don't think there's much else in this world I can do, but I know I can write; I've heard it too many times from too many different people to disbelieve it.
There's so much more I could say, I guess, but I don't know what to say. I miss you a lot though Daddy, and I think I'm going where I need to go-I think I'm following the right path. I can only hope that you agree.
Missing you&Lots of love,
Dianna
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Write your own letters to those you love who have passed away; let us never forget the dead, and forever honour them.
Dear Daddy,
It has been three years to the day since you died; it feels like so long ago now. The time has flown in one way, but in another so much has changed. I miss you now as much as I ever did, and I don't think this hurt will ever go away. I remember where I was three years ago today, by your side, watching as you left me. I'm fifteen now and I've never really left your side in that hospital bed; it hurts so much, so much just to know that you're gone. I'm not where you wanted me to be right now, I'm not where I wanted me to be either. I'm still struggling.
I'm struggling with everything that happened then and everything that's happened since. I think life is really just the school of hard knocks. They always like to tell us that it can look up, but I'm beginning to wonder if it really can. One thing after another keeps coming down on my head just like it was three years ago. People tell me to make my own happiness but I'm floundering still, drowning in my own little ocean; I just don't know how.
A lot has changed since then, I suppose; my hair is black now, but I know that really doesn't surprise anyone. That's just the superficial part-I think you know the reality of it. The things I went through, over the last year, the things I went through the year before that. You've seen how things have just slipped with school. I just can't take it Daddy, and I'm sorry. I know you wanted me to do better, to be so much more-but I just can't. I try so hard and I always land even harder back where I started, which is a very unpleasant place to be. You know what it was like.
The image of you on your deathbed still hurts me, and I still do things in your memory; I'm
I hope wherever you are now is a better place than this; things keep going down further and further, and the economy is dying. Maybe you missed the worst of it, maybe you were lucky to get out when you did. You can still watch me go through my life, I know you can; I know you already are. I don't doubt you, Daddy, I don't doubt your strength to watch over me.
I've come a long way with my writing as much as I try so hard in the outside world and I keep falling short. I really am trying; this morning I hit three hundred thousand words for Nanowrimo. I wonder if you remember that? I wanted to hit the three hundred in honour of you; I hope you're as proud of me as I think you are right now. I wish you could tell me, but while I can talk to you through these letters and trust that you will see them, it doesn't work in reverse.
I've been working really hard on it and I'll keep working at it. You know and I know that I'm stubborn enough to reach my dreams. I'm reaching for them, Daddy, and I can only hope and pray that I get them-that I get what I need. I don't think there's much else in this world I can do, but I know I can write; I've heard it too many times from too many different people to disbelieve it.
There's so much more I could say, I guess, but I don't know what to say. I miss you a lot though Daddy, and I think I'm going where I need to go-I think I'm following the right path. I can only hope that you agree.
Missing you&Lots of love,
Dianna
--------------------
Write your own letters to those you love who have passed away; let us never forget the dead, and forever honour them.
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